it is never too late to become what you always should have been
quote (and variations) widely attributed to George Eliot, though a bit of research suggests this may be a misattribution? If anyone knows, please educate me via the comments, I'd love to hear from you if you know the source.
nonetheless, a good mantra. Embroidered this up for a friend who is struggling with decisions about what path life should take, and how much to sacrifice in the pursuit of the life one feels one should be living, etc. (also, finally found a use for the shadowbox I bought her in Mexico), but I realize it's as much a reminder to myself.
A conversation with my mother (those creatures of infinite comfort and wisdom) last night somehow made me finally hear and really accept what I haven't been able to - that I can't turn my summer into a job application, and that if I keep pushing myself this hard, I'll give myself a creative block. That I ought to be enjoying the fact that I got exactly what I wanted rather than making myself miserable over it.
So I ditched painting and didn't feel guilty. I decided I'll only do one more canvas this year since I really only have three months this summer, what with the long stretch of grading through June and the long stretch of orientations and etc. in September.
Instead, Cass agreed to get some tea with me (I'm attempting to use a tea-dye-bath to tone down some bright plaid flannel that I think would make a fetching fall dress in an empire silhouette). On the way, we stopped (and lingered) at Top Ten Toys, a completely wonderful local toy shop. We fumbled with marionettes, read about Quoridor and Quarto and Skybridge, attacked each other with puppets, looked at books of hand shadows, and I almost, ALMOST purchased a pack of fabric pens for T-shirt experimentation. There was some hemming and hawing and whining when Cass did not share my enthusiasm. I did pick up two little $1.50 books of stencils - those mini Dover booklets, you know? Expect to see one of them in action in the next few days, I have a plan and I'm going to jump on it.
When we got home, we popped open some wine, then tried out Ariel's new coffee drink of choice (chai with a shot of espresso. I have to hand it to her, it's really really good!). We made boxed mac n cheese (Annie's version of the Kraft standby - not as good as Annie's white shells, in my opinion, but definitely high on the comfort-food scale), and watched House DVD's while he drew on car bodies and I embroidered. It was a dark night, threatening to storm, and somehow this was the best, most perfect way to spend it.