Saturday, March 12, 2016

the blues

I've been working a lot lately. It's also been raining. A lot. Wettest winter on record. Normally this doesn't really bother me; in fact, I usually don't notice excessive precipitation for weeks, sometimes even months - I just go about my business, thinking, oh, it's raining today, as if it hadn't been raining yesterday, the day before, the day before that, all last week, all month ...

But it's starting to seep into my consciousness - or rather, my subconscious. This week I had vaguely unsettling dreams about water: about needing to make a connecting flight by flushing myself, Ministry-of-Magic-style, to a gate - only the large public restroom toilet, in the weird, beige-carpeted, filthy underground mall that was the airport in my dream was broken, and we missed our flight. Or I dreamt I was a seagull (unsettling in itself), fishing - only to land in the net of a big fishing boat; as the ropes closed around me, I thought, Shit. I'm dead.


The one thing that has been going well lately is the garden. Maybe we're overcompensating for everything else, everything we can't fix or make better, by going out each weekend, rain or shine, and gardening like we're a pair of bonkers hobbits. I'm talking eight-hour-days of gardening levels of bonkers. Friday-evening-after-work gardening-in-the-rain-as-it-gets-dark kinds of bonkers. It's immensely satisfying to work such an incredible transformation so quickly. It's also nice to get so much fresh air, and to be doing something together. But it's also incredibly exhausting. And the physical exhaustion is combining with the exhaustion of so much work, so many deadlines, and poor sleep of late.

I've got the blues, friends. I've got the spring-better-come-cause-I-need-it-now blues.

The big leaf maple blossoms are almost in bloom, and I feel myself clutching maybe a little desperately at every flower: COME ON, NOW. I NEED SOME SUNSHINE!

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